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Day 1; post op. 

Lying here in a hospital bed, the glow of on lone light over the fancy bay window where visitors get to sleep, it’s just me. Sent the hubby home. Can’t stand the pups being alone. Haha. Not to much pain now. Earlier…ouch. Compression cuffs still blowing up and down. Oxygen still pumping. Much less discomfort than I expected. The future holds even more comfort than I expected.

Angels abound, guys. Tell me they’re not real, I’ll knock you out.
Great. Now I’ve got that song in my head.
I’m gonna knock you out

Mama said knock you out

I’m gonna knock you out 

Mama said knock you out


Wow. Mama’s kind of bitchy, eh? Damn, LL. Cool J

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Ground control to Major Tom….

The countdown starts…….. Yippppeeeeee! All clear broth for a while now. Just had some pretty bomb ass onion soup (strained of course) and it’s funny what tastes good when you’re deprived. 

Now for any cats reading this that are pre-op. Omg if you are lactose intolerant… Get a grip early. Whey right not be right for you. I just had the WORST weekend realizing that almond milk with my whey protein was the only whey to go. Get it…whey…lol it turns out that when u combined the milk with the whey powder, nope. Not having it. 3 days of diarrhea and projectile vomiting. Fun!
At least I’m all cleared out for surgery. Ha. I can’t wait!

Willpower is for sissies

Protein shake for lunch. Protein shake for a snack.

So far, so good. 

1:00

2:00

3:00

Get if work at 4…

3:45… popped two cake pops in my mouth like the fat bastard I always knew I could be. 

What the fuck???

So, now my 5 ounces of meat and two cups of veggies are another protein shake and raw cabbage (that I do actually like). What the hell? How on the world are you supposed to be able to do this at the holidays? I should have thought this through and taken this week off. 6 days until surgery and you’d think I would get a grip. 

Man….  There’s always tomorrow. Sheesh……

Tick tock…

Eight days till surgery. My husband asks me: are you nervous?

Nope.

Then I think… Am I nervous? Nope.

Nope nope nope. 

If I could bump it up to tomorrow, I would. 

I’m so excited and ready for this new phase in my life. I love BCBS Anthem for recognizing in record time how much this surgery is needed. They are going to save a huge amount on blood pressure meds, alone. 

You know the pre op diet was a hard time at first. Really difficult. But then after a couple of days my body stopped being pissed if that I wasn’t shoveling sugar into it, and now it’s not so bad. Multiple people, some of which I’m not even that close to, have called me HANGRY but whatever. Lol 

What has helped me beyond words is that dang cool little contraption called the Nutri Bullet RX. That thing is amazing. The smoothies and petition shakes are awesome in that thing, seriously. 

Tick tock … I can’t wait. 

Approval day today!

I got my final approval from BCBS Anthem today. I’m sitting in my PCPs office right now waiting on my final clearance for surgery. Getting and EKG and a full panel of blood work  yippee! If all goes well, as it should, I should be getting sliced up on the 12th of December. I want to bottle this excitement up right now and market it. Better than any drug I’ve ever even heard of. 

Now………… This pre-op diet I’ve started. Ok – I didn’t balloon to 250 by being able to control myself. One protein shake for breakfast, one shake for lunch and 5 ounces of extra lean meat and two cups of no starch (low starch) veggies. That’s it. Period. Holy smokes. I’ve got to do this for TWO WEEKS? I’m on day two. I’m starving.  I get that it’s necessary and that I have purposely fattened up my poor, innocent liver. 

Interruption… Now this liver… Why have I abused it like I have? Pouring alcohol on it daily in my youth. Powdering it with cocaine and meth with a nice, whipped Irish Cream topping with MDMA sprinkles.  Holy smokes – how does it even still work? And after I’ve left that stupid addiction garbage mess behind me, I continue to ravage the poor thing with FOOD. 

I would have given up. 

But, I’m glad it didn’t. Now back to the point. 

In order to have a safe surgery and be able to lift the poor, obese liver out of the view of where they are slicing me up, they have to reduce the amount of fat on it -and fast. That’s where this diet comes in. Maaaaaan…. That’s about the only thing not breaking me. The whole “poor, fat bastard of a liver being so unhealthy that the likelihood of damaging it with the lifter thing and causing rupture and what not” is enough to pass by Taco Bell. 

But I still grit my teeth passing it. 

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm…grits. 

Oh shrimp grits and cheese and butter and a protein shake. Yeah. 

Sigh…….

It’s a means to an end. Or…a beginning? 

Told you I’d be back….

So, today was the last weight in. I’ve lost 47 pounds pre-op. That, in of itself, is awesome. I never restricted anything  I ate whatever I wanted  just not as MUCH. Literally, I could finish a whole cheesecake in 2 days. Now I have half of a piece of cheesecake. Guess what? I lived.

One thing sucks, though. Got a call from my PCP and found out my thyroid is still hitting the bricks, though not as bad as normal. (TSH of 4.8 is waaaay better than 19) so again slowly but surely getting all those ducks lining up in their little rows. 🦆 🦆 🦆

So from here on out, I’ve completed all the requirements that Blue Cross Blue Shield says that I need to do in order to qualify for surgery. My nutritionist says that they will submit it to insurance for final approval, and then we go from there. I’m so ready for this I can’t even begin to describe it. Slice and dice this old chub. Life’s about to change for this lady. 😁

I hope someone who is wondering about this stuff finds this blog. I’m telling you…. When they told me that I would have to do 6 damn months of nutritional counseling, I thought I would lose my shit. Dude I get it. I’m fat. I know I have a screwed up relationship with food. I’m cutting my damn stomach off. I mean come on… What do I have to see some idiot for 6 months for?

Because it is 100% necessary.

Because it will change your life.  

I had no idea what I was doing – at all. I didn’t understand food. I didn’t understand portions. I didn’t understand all the brain work it would take to get to the point where a 3 ounce serving of meat would not sound like a death sentence. When I first started this…back up to the paragraph talking about losing my shit…no way did I even think I knew how unprepared I was for surgery. I would have failed miserably and regained every pound back. What these nutritional visits taught me will follow me the rest of my life. If you’re starting out on this journey DO NOT GET DISCOURAGED. And as fucking frustrating as hearing “it goes by so fast” is…it’s true. It does. I remember thinking “it’s not even hot outside, yet (in May of this year) and I’m supposed to think that this shit will fly by when it won’t be till Christmas until I can even qualify? Fuck this.” 

It. Flies. By. 

You are working so hard on yourself, you don’t even realize that times ticking down as you are developing a while new relationship with yourself and food. You come out the other side liking yourself more, feeling ashamed so much less. 

Hang in there. You got this. 

Well, ok, hello again….

I thought I would resurrect this blog for the next huge step in my life. And funny enough, it is about kicking ANOTHER addiction of mine.

 

Food.

 

Oh I love it. GAWD I love food. Again – too much. Hmm…sounds familiar.

 

But expect to see me pop up again here to start saving my notes on my journey to bariatric surgery. The bullshit and the great times. The pain and the expected struggles.

 

And what actually happens.  It seems like everyone wants to talk in doctor-speak about it and say oh this is what to expect…bleh bleh bleh. NO- this is what happened, ho. LMAO

 

Stay tuned. 🙂

 

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