I am a terrible blogger…ah well. :)

First and foremost – weight loss surgery – OMG – DO IT. Even if you have 5 pounds to lose. (kidding) I am such an advocate now it is UNREAL. It has changed my life. Check out this update pic: holla!!

 

BUT – that is not why I am posting this morning. Holy cow – I discovered something in researching going more Keto, as the Paleo lifestyle I am following is great, but I love trying new things. Keto keeps popping up. Then someone in my office said “Oh and they drink ‘butter coffee’ – what is that about? Sounds gross.”

I thought to myself, “What IS that about?”

I love butter. My inner gigantic chick was like – OK, I’m in.

I was going to post – not just this pic I stole off of Pinterest-

…because – it does look exactly like that after you use an immersion blender – which is a MUST for butter coffee, but also the ins and outs of drinking butter coffee. But, I am on day friggin’ ONE of this.  Let’s get real – what the hell do I really know? I started googling pages to see what I could type to make me sound more seasoned than I actually am – and found this blog. It is so good, they deserve the credit. I am not even going to pretend to know as much –  or claim to write as well as they do!

So if you are on board with trying butter coffee, dude- I say go for it – goodness gracious – it is AMAZING – the only draw back is you want more than one. And well, at about 160 calories a cup, that can get bad fast. 🙂 Especially leading a bariatric life.  I will say that I hadmy cup at 8:00 SHARP – and it is 10:15 AM now – and I am NOT hungry in teh LEAST. Nor have I even thought of lunch. Even with a partially removed stomach, I still think about when I get to eat again. Old habits die hard – maybe not now -eh?

In looking into this stuff, I found that “they” call it Bulletproof coffee – though I believe that is a brand name of a certain kind of mycotoxin-free coffee – a premier Chanel brand coffee bean blah blah -whatever. I am not THAT pure into this stuff. Coffee they brew in the kitchen is just fine with me. I don’t need to shell out $50 for coffee. Though, it did remind me of that dance song that was out a while back called “Bulletproof” by La Roux. Was she singing about this coffee? Perhaps.

 

You feel this happy and colorful while drinking it. Maybe she was ahead of her time?

Here is the blog. I think they sell stuff, too. Like mugs and shirts and stuff. Buy whatever she sells. I am all in on this site. I think she is great – and I dunno if there is more than one person – it seems like a friggin’ team is working over there. It is amazingly informative.

https://primalpotential.com/dos-and-donts-of-bulletproof-coffee/

Dude – GO!

 

 

 

 

 

Wow… Things you learn about yourself going through weight loss surgery…

Ok I watched the forums after my previous post and had some really great ideas exchanged and even had a recipe given to me that….has me eating meat!! What a great group over there at Thinner Times!  This is the comment that I made that I think sums it all up….

Ooook I am seeing a trend here! We are all MATURING! How weird is that? Stuffing myself till I was nauseated was a normal meal for me. Now I’m really thinking about things before blindly shoving them in my mouth. My husband made spaghetti for himself, and I grabbed a noodle to nosh on and threw it back on his plate saying “Simple carbs! Not efficient real estate for The Pouch!” 

And by the way-the black bean, cooked ground chicken, avocado, and salsa in the nutribullet. Phenomenal!!!! Topped with the plain yogurt and a FEW chicken crumbles mixed in topped with salsa. Holy COW! Of course, I could only have three bites. But woohooooo!

This is crazy. I’ve never had a good relationship with food. I’ve hated my stomach and cursed it for letting me eat so much. I love my new little baby pouch that Dr. Roshek created.  I ALWAYS said for me to lose the weight I need to, it will have to be forced. I did not have the strength, willpower, not confidence in myself to think I could. This is such a great journey. I can’t wait for what lies ahead. 

The first pic is November 17, 2017 the 2nd is January 3, 2018. Wow!

Onto semi solids. Now I’m…scared?

Ok I’m finally three weeks out and onto semi solids. My diet says I can have ground turkey and ground chicken and tuna with mayo.

I thought that once I was on this phase of the diet, I would be tearing @*# to the supermarket, buying all sorts of stuff. 

I had a blended peach and cottage cheese mixture, 4 oz. No problem. I’ve had 3 ounces of canned beans; no problem. Love beans.  I’m petrified of moving onto meat. Anyone else had that? Is this what they mean by listening to your body? Is my little pouch telling me that she’s not ready for meat yet? I’ve supplemented with avocado, tofu, cashews, yogurt and cashew milk with a scoop on Genepro and stevia to taste. Throw that in the nutribullet and viola! Avocado protein paste. (you can find it in My Fitness Pal if you look up “avocado protein paste” I saved it publicly, lol. It’s actually pretty good. ) At 180 calories, 36 g of protein, 8 grams of carbs and 9 grams of fat (good fat) it’s a powerful 3 ounces. 

I don’t know if this is my “bartering point” thinking “ok if I’m getting everything I need, why go to meat?” 

I’ve become petrified of meat. I am a Texas girl that eats filet mignon extra rare. Literally cold in the center. Has this happened to anyone else? 

AND!!

My husband got Taco Bell! I am woman enough to admit that I am white trash and love Taco Bell like it’s 5 star dining. When he got the bag in the car, I started dry heaving. The signature smell of that low quality meat simmered in reused oil used to make me drool like a Mastiff. I literally had to roll the window down and put out my head and deep breathe so I would not vomit. 

That’s insane. Whhhaaaaaa!

I posted this on the Thinner Times forum. I’m going to edit this and add to this post when I get more insight. This is insane!!!

Lessons are hope disguised as growth.

So far I suck at blogging. I think it must be a thing for people who have fuller, richer lives or more interesting things to talk about. I think of blogging then just think meh… Not today. Lol

Head hunger is coming back. Weird. But funnily enough, it is not from me craving things. It’s my stomach sounding like it is growling and talking. I totally stole the nickname Chewie from another blogger for my stomach. I have turned into Chewbacca over here groaning and singing all day long. I’ve equated that sound with hunger… and then BOOP you pop your head up and look into the kitchen. 

Um…no. My doc told me -at this point two almost three weeks post op- it is physiologically impossible for me to have hunger due to ghrelin, swelling, and inflammation. That my body has reverted into “oh shit mode” because there has been a huge hole cut into the major organ that feeds it. I would have sworn I was hungry.

So, a new layer of this onion to unpeel. Why am I so eager to put food into a body that clearly is not signaling me to?

After discussing it with my husband, I’ve determined that rather than pigeonhole myself into that sad category of the obese (which I clearly belong to) people that have past traumas that made them turn to food, rather than deal with the negative emotions they come in contact with. But……. This time I really don’t think that has anything to do with it. What I think this head hunger is… Is actually relearning my body’s cues.  

When our stomach growls, we are hungry. So it’s not some deep seated psychological thing to deal with in my making that connection. I just have to relearn my new normal. When Chewie growls, there’s just a lot of air tumbling around in there. Simple. No internal pain disguised as food addiction. I’m doing what any normal person would do. And now knowing what I know, what would aperson not dictated by food do? Surmise that a past cue of hunger is no longer a true fact. Grumble? Air. 

It’s funny. I used to curse and hate my stomach. Wwwwwwhy do you stretch so far and allow me to eat so much? Why do you crave such terrible things? Mmm..Jack in the Box…. 

Now my little pouch, I protect it like a baby duckling. No harm can come to her. No overeating. Perfect proteins and nourishing broths for her. Alcohol? NOOOO! She doesn’t like that! Haha. Hell, if it tasted good, I would have drank acid before and joked how it was rotting my insides. (I guess the jokes of killing my liver after shots if Everclear in college are the same thing. )

But in this journey, I’ve recognized not every brick paving this road is not of past pain, but of growth. I realized today that not every new thing I learn has anything to do with reckoning with demons or facing fears. Sometimes coming to terms with acceptance of new things are not a flaw in us; it’s just a new reality. The lesson in this for me is to not immediately assume there’s something wrong to fix in me. Maybe it’s a new normal to just accept things as they are. 

I’m realizing that one of my addictions is to think there’s something glistening in my past, frantically waving to me to remind me of things I miss or things that I no longer have. To look at past pains or hurts that allow me to use them as a crutch to live life with dark lenses that don’t allow true happiness in. There’s only one problem.  The difference is that, for the first time in my life, my present is more full of happiness than my past ever could or would have been. The things that drive me to self injuring behavior no longer exist. To see the gifts that have been given to me and the ridiculous support system- that none of my past bankroll could ever have bought. It’s crazy to even still have the habit of looking in the rear view and checking behind me to see if there are gems that glitter, beckoning me to want what I’ve lost more that what I have. This is a first. And I surrender to that. Happiness is ok to have. Its ok to look ahead. It’s ok to feel it. Everyone deserves it. Including me. 

Surrendering has always been the point of revelation for me. Surrendering to the fact that my new normal is acceptance of new ways of interpreting your surroundings. And accepting how awesome things are going to be in the future. That’s totally new for me. Cool. 😀

Who knew slicing off my stomach would bring such moments of clarity, eh?

5 days post op

Now I understand why people have blogs that go in and out in their surgery day. No one wants to write during this weird time. Lol. I literally know what it feels like to be stabbed 5 times. Pain meds ran out, and I waited to long to refill them. Thank God I’m a pill hoarder and have old scripts from my tooth extraction. 

Now let’s talk about something I’m sure everyone has experience with: gas.

Dude. It’s real. That’s is what hurts the most. What’s funny is that I finally ventured out to Target last night and swore I tore a stitch. I got home and looked in the mirror only to realize that there was NO INCISION where I was trying to find where the pain was originating from. On cue, it gurgled. Really? I’ve had gas before, just not like this. Haha. It’s par for the course. 

As far as getting my nutrients, I’m on point. Zero nausea. Blurred vision cleared up. I’m averaging 90-110 grams of protein a day and 100 oz of fluids a day. I’m still stark raving thirsty. That’s been lifelong, though. I’ve always been a water dog. 

So as far as regrets? Omg no. Lost 10 pounds already. I have broken down once realizing that this actually might be the to that enables me to break the chains I have weeks with me and food. It’s been a prison my whole life that I may just been have granted clemency from. 

Day 1; post op.

Lying here in a hospital bed, the glow of on lone light over the fancy bay window where visitors get to sleep, it’s just me. Sent the hubby home. Can’t stand the pups being alone. Haha. Not to much pain now. Earlier…ouch. Compression cuffs still blowing up and down. Oxygen still pumping. Much less discomfort than I expected. The future holds even more comfort than I expected.

Angels abound, guys. Tell me they’re not real, I’ll knock you out.
Great. Now I’ve got that song in my head.
I’m gonna knock you out

Mama said knock you out

I’m gonna knock you out 

Mama said knock you out…

Wow. Mama’s kind of bitchy, eh? Damn, LL. Cool J

Ground control to Major Tom….

The countdown starts…….. Yippppeeeeee! All clear broth for a while now. Just had some pretty bomb ass onion soup (strained of course) and it’s funny what tastes good when you’re deprived. 

Now for any cats reading this that are pre-op. Omg if you are lactose intolerant… Get a grip early. Whey right not be right for you. I just had the WORST weekend realizing that almond milk with my whey protein was the only whey to go. Get it…whey…lol it turns out that when u combined the milk with the whey powder, nope. Not having it. 3 days of diarrhea and projectile vomiting. Fun!
At least I’m all cleared out for surgery. Ha. I can’t wait!

Willpower is for sissies

Protein shake for lunch. Protein shake for a snack.

So far, so good. 

1:00

2:00

3:00

Get if work at 4…

3:45… popped two cake pops in my mouth like the fat bastard I always knew I could be. 

What the fuck???

So, now my 5 ounces of meat and two cups of veggies are another protein shake and raw cabbage (that I do actually like). What the hell? How on the world are you supposed to be able to do this at the holidays? I should have thought this through and taken this week off. 6 days until surgery and you’d think I would get a grip. 

Man….  There’s always tomorrow. Sheesh……

Tick tock…

Eight days till surgery. My husband asks me: are you nervous?

Nope.

Then I think… Am I nervous? Nope.

Nope nope nope. 

If I could bump it up to tomorrow, I would. 

I’m so excited and ready for this new phase in my life. I love BCBS Anthem for recognizing in record time how much this surgery is needed. They are going to save a huge amount on blood pressure meds, alone. 

You know the pre op diet was a hard time at first. Really difficult. But then after a couple of days my body stopped being pissed if that I wasn’t shoveling sugar into it, and now it’s not so bad. Multiple people, some of which I’m not even that close to, have called me HANGRY but whatever. Lol 

What has helped me beyond words is that dang cool little contraption called the Nutri Bullet RX. That thing is amazing. The smoothies and petition shakes are awesome in that thing, seriously. 

Tick tock … I can’t wait. 

Approval day today!

I got my final approval from BCBS Anthem today. I’m sitting in my PCPs office right now waiting on my final clearance for surgery. Getting and EKG and a full panel of blood work  yippee! If all goes well, as it should, I should be getting sliced up on the 12th of December. I want to bottle this excitement up right now and market it. Better than any drug I’ve ever even heard of. 

Now………… This pre-op diet I’ve started. Ok – I didn’t balloon to 250 by being able to control myself. One protein shake for breakfast, one shake for lunch and 5 ounces of extra lean meat and two cups of no starch (low starch) veggies. That’s it. Period. Holy smokes. I’ve got to do this for TWO WEEKS? I’m on day two. I’m starving.  I get that it’s necessary and that I have purposely fattened up my poor, innocent liver. 

Interruption… Now this liver… Why have I abused it like I have? Pouring alcohol on it daily in my youth. Powdering it with cocaine and meth with a nice, whipped Irish Cream topping with MDMA sprinkles.  Holy smokes – how does it even still work? And after I’ve left that stupid addiction garbage mess behind me, I continue to ravage the poor thing with FOOD. 

I would have given up. 

But, I’m glad it didn’t. Now back to the point. 

In order to have a safe surgery and be able to lift the poor, obese liver out of the view of where they are slicing me up, they have to reduce the amount of fat on it -and fast. That’s where this diet comes in. Maaaaaan…. That’s about the only thing not breaking me. The whole “poor, fat bastard of a liver being so unhealthy that the likelihood of damaging it with the lifter thing and causing rupture and what not” is enough to pass by Taco Bell. 

But I still grit my teeth passing it. 

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm…grits. 

Oh shrimp grits and cheese and butter and a protein shake. Yeah. 

Sigh…….

It’s a means to an end. Or…a beginning?