Weekend Warrior

Weekend is almost here. Ok, I’m not quite sure that means much to me since I’ve been “sick” with allergies all week and spent a whole 10 hours at the office this week. Funny how you still look forward to it.

I am glad they they at least started working on the boat. Being in Texas, you get a really long fishing/boating season. That I’m grateful for.

Not looking forward to breaking lunch plans with the Bob, but even with the Omnaris steroid nasal spray I’ve started, I’m a miserable allergic rhinitis anomaly. More later. 🙂

***cut to 5PM CST

Home

SMASH – DING DONG

Oh great- what has happened now? The boyfriend answers the door and goes outside. Allergies have me at a near halt, so I’m inside putting the flowers he had just bought me on his way home from work into water.

“B- come out here.”

When I go outside, I’m greeted with a driveway full of tinted tempered glass. The back window of my SUV lies lifeless on the ground. A small spray of rocks litter the road. A child from across the street seems stiff.

“What happened?” I ask the boy.

The little boy said “We were having a contest, and we accidentally broke your window.”

Now – I braced myself. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, and the anger expressed by the boyfriend has been over reactive and irrational. (never physical, mind you- just explosive and verbally abusive. Something he has agreed to work on.)

At that point, my neutrality had to be so overbearing that it had to eclipse his building internal storm.

To the little boy I said, “Honey- do you know how honest you are being by admitting to this? That’s a great thing, and we will help tell your mommy it was an accident. Let’s walk to your friend’s house so he can be accountable, too.”

The friend had run home, scared. A normal reaction for a nine year old.

At that time the boyfriend waved me to go talk to the parent of the other boy. He grabbed a broom. Silence was all he expressed. This was a polar opposite from what would have normally transpired. I went over to him and asked him if he was ok. He said “you’re right, the kids are being honest, what will being mad accomplish – it won’t repair the window.”

I learned an extremely important lesson. Bracing for an expected behavior and lending myself to fear of what others’ reactions are may actually feed that behavior. When I took charge with calm authority, it seemed like I changed the direction of the emotional road. Taking a proactive approach to a situation changed the outcome.

Isn’t that the same with everything? We cannot predict or control the outcome, but we sure as hell can control OUR reactions. Again, it’s the accountability learned through recovery. Taking ownership of my emotions. Surrendering to the reality of my choosing to be with a mate who has an anger problem. Acceptance of how others may react and caring enough not about being right, but bring a calm guide to a different outcome may have changed the entire mood for my weekend.

Somewhere a recovery coach is thinking- “she’s finally put the solution words into actions.”

I’m telling you, having gone through what I have has taught me so much. Addiction is a two edged sword that if you choose to grab it by the handle, rather the the blade (because we are too impulsive and defiant,) you can control a lot of where it had taken you and what you take from it.

Cesar Milan teaches calm assertiveness. He’s on to something.